Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
