please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
