Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
