Screwed.edu
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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