hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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