i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
