your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Terrible idea I love it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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