youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
