Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
