WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
