am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
