if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
North Korea, Best Korea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
