I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found your dick twin last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
