i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize