She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're like the curious george of whores
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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