I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
