Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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