Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
