Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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