I just gift wrapped bread.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
