We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
