Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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