you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
