Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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