WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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