I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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