i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
