the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
