U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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