Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
