She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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