living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
