Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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