Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
