Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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