so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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