Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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