Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize