we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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