I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
