If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
