Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
