Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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