I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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