I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
