dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize