good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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