I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
