real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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