dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
