Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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