just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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