he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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