This girl is more easily done than said...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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