We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
