What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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