I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
