i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
