It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
