so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There r osticjed everywhere
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
