The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
