Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
