sarcasm needs its own font
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize