My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My ass is underappreciated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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