jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
