I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
