I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
