The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
