I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
