I wish I only lived at night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
