covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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