sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
