this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
