Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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