he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
