I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
