sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
