its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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