Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He kissed a someone with a penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
